October! Look, I’m gonna be blunt. I had to work real hard
to pick a number one film this month, because it’s a fairly dire bunch. Whole
lotta mediocrity hitting the big screens. But I owe it to you, reader, to break
it down regardless. Let’s begin.
- ZOMBIELAND: DOUBLE TAP – Oct. 18. How long is
too long for a sequel? The first ZOMBIELAND was ten years ago. Since then, its
stars have become Oscar nominees, obviously far too big for silly action
comedies, right? Well, the band is back together, whether you asked for it or
not! I’m sure it’ll be fine, but I really doubt it’s going to do well given how
long it’s been since the original.
- JOKER – IMAX, 70mm – Oct. 4. This one’s had quite
the ride. After winning Best Film at the Venice Film Festival, expectations
went sky high, but the domestic critics have been pretty savage. Everyone agrees
Joaquin Phoenix gives an amazing performance, but the film itself doesn’t hold up
to the end. Director Todd Phillips hasn’t helped matters with his recent junket
interviews, complaining about not being able to do comedy in today’s overly PC culture,
making this “edgy” take seem kind of pathetic, sidling up to the alt-right
community. It’s a perfect example of a film that’s hard to review on its own
merits. Anyway, there’s a limited 70mm run at the Varsity in Toronto, so if you’re
going to see it that’s the one to aim for. IMAX is overkill.
- JEXI – Oct. 11. Adam Devine (WORKAHOLICS, MIKE
AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES) falls in love with a Siri clone, only to have it destroy
his life. It’s nice to see Ron Funches and Michael Pena on the big screen, but
this one’s from the dudes who made BAD MOMS as well as THE HANGOVER, so adjust
your expectations accordingly.
- JUDY – Oct. 4. Oscar bait ahoy! Renee Zellweger
is Judy Garland in the last weeks of her life. Her third marriage has fallen
apart and he wants custody, she’s broke and doing shows in London to pay the
bills, just trying to keep it together. But dangit, she’s Judy Freakin’ Garland
and the show must go on! Reviews are pretty soft but Renee’s performance is
- GEMINI MAN – RealD3D, IMAX, HFR?!? – Oct. 11. It’s
Will Smith vs young Will Smith! This one’s been percolating for twenty years
and the tech finally caught up so they could bring Ang Lee’s vision to life!
Unfortunately they forgot to write a great script. Lee shot the film in 120FPS
3D, and some theatres will show it in HFR, which hasn’t been seen since his
last film BILLY LYNN’S LONG HALFTIME WALK, which no one saw. It’s been a frustrating
journey for high frame rate tech, but I know James Cameron will jam it down our
throats for AVATAR 2. That’ll show ‘em!
- BLACK AND BLUE – Oct. 25. A rookie New Orleans
cop (SKYFALL’s Naomi Harris) must survive bad cops and bad guys after witnessing
a murder. It looks pretty bleak since literally everyone seems to hate the poor
girl and darn it, she’s just trying to do her best. Fun fact about the trailer:
Harris doesn’t utter a word of dialogue until halfway through. Good sign!
- MALEFICENT: MISTRESS OF EVIL – RealD3D, IMAX –
Oct. 18. A sequel to the prequel. It looks like more of the same. It’s incredible
that they convince so many talented people to work on something so forgettable.
Michelle Pfeiffer, Imelda Staunton, Chiwetel Ejiofor… just doing their best for
- THE CURRENT WAR – Oct. 25. Edison Vs Tesla! Benedict
Cumberbatch Vs Nicholas Hoult! What should have been an all timer, isn’t. This
is actually billed as THE DIRECTOR’S CUT even though the first cut was only shown
at festivals, to thunderingly mediocre reviews. Can’t imagine a recut will save
- COUNTDOWN – Oct. 25. A new app will tell you when
you will die, with lethal precision. Can you beat the reaper? Well if you do, evidently
a fate worse than death awaits. I’m sure it won’t be as interesting as the
gimmick. Inexplicably, this is the only horror film coming out this Halloween!
- THE ADDAMS FAMILY – Oct. 11. You’d think an
animated version designed after Charles Addams’ style would be a cause for celebration,
but you’d be super wrong. I mean, you cast Oscar Isaac as Gomez, we need to see
that shit LIVE. ACTION. Plus it looks like it’s all about Wednesday based on
the trailer. Otherwise it’s just the old Addams Vs The Normies. They deserve
So October is a bust. Beginning of the end. Nothing good on the horizion. Pack it in. Well, until November. It’s gotta be better! Right?