Yeah yeah, it’s late but I’ve been super busy. Without further ado, OCTOBER!
BOO! It’s October! And this month is LOADED with, um, one horror film. Wait, what? This can’t be right. Let’s look at the films for the month and figure it out.
- JACK REACHER: NEVER GO BACK – October 21, IMAX. The first film was fantastic, despite Cruise looking nothing like the Jack Reacher of the novels. The second film looks like more of the same, which is A-OK by me. IMAX isn’t really necessary though.
- AMERICAN PASTORAL – October 28. Ewan MacGregor’s directorial debut is a rough one, telling the tale of a family in 1968 going through hell thanks to the daughter’s associations with radicals. How far would you go to protect your daughter? Me, I’d have a stern chat with her. Looks intense.
- THE ACCOUNTANT – October 14. Ben Affleck seems kind of miscast as an autistic hitman/accountant. Director Gavin O’Connor’s WARRIOR was a goddamn work of art that got summarily ignored, so I’m definitely giving him the benefit of the doubt here, especially with a supporting cast that includes Anna Kendrick, JK Simmons, Jon Berenthal, and Jeffrey Tambor.
- KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES – October 21. SUPERBAD’s Greg Mottola mashes up suburban ennui with the spy game, mashing up boring married couple Zach Galifianakis and Isla Fisher with new undercover neighbors Gal Godot and John Hamm. Should be a lot of fun, though the only other credit for the writer is YOU, ME, AND DUPREE, so keep that in mind.
- BIRTH OF A NATION – October 7. Nate Parker writes, directs, and stars, playing Nat Turner, a slave turned preacher who fosters a rebellion. A harsh, brutal depiction of the era that’s been completely overwhelmed by rape allegations from Parker’s university days.
- INFERNO – October 28, IMAX. THE DAVINCI CODE was a phenomenon. ANGELS AND DEMONS, not so much. Expect diminishing returns with this one, though it’s always fun watching Tom Hanks try to be an action star, and the locations are always stunning. This one involves a plague that could wipe out half the planet, which would be pretty useful.
- THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN – October 7. What was supposed to be this year’s GONE GIRL turned out to be an average thriller with a great cast. Very soft reviews.
- KEVIN HART: WHAT NOW? – October 21. Hart’s done stand-up films before, but this one was in front of 50,000 people, and this chronicles the event. So if you like Kevin Hart, you’re already on board. If not, plenty of other options await you.
- MIDDLE SCHOOL: THE WORST YEARS OF MY LIFE – October 7. It’s nice to see REVIEW’s Andy Daly in a lead role, but here he’s playing a stuffy principal who’s all about rules and whatnot. So yeah, he’s basically the devil. You know you’re getting old when you side with the principal.
- OUIJA: ORIGIN OF EVIL – October 21. Teens summon a demon with a Ouija board. This is a LICENSED film. Director Mike Flanagan has made a few decent horror films like OCULUS and HUSH so it should be serviceable, and it’s got ET’s Elliot playing a priest, which is amusing. It does have the benefit of being THE ONLY HORROR MOVIE RELEASED THIS HALLOWEEN SEASON. Which is bananas.
- TYLER PERRY PRESENTS TYLER PERRY’S MADEA IN BOO! A MADEA HALLOWEEN DIRECTED BY TYLER PERRY AND STARRING TYLER PERRY AS TYLER PERRY’S MADEA – October 21. I just realized that there were no Tyler Perry films released in 2015. This should make up for that.
- MAX STEEL – October 14. With the gritty POWER RANGERS reboot coming next year, the rights holders to the MAX STEEL ‘franchise’ got busy and cranked out their own. Sure, it’s made for boys age 6-12, but it didn’t have to look this bad. It’s getting a wide release in the states, but I don’t think it’s hitting screens in Canada, which is saying something.
- I’M NOT ASHAMED – October 21. Also in the “probably not getting released in Canada” category is this Christian film which purportedly came from the diaries of the first victim of the Columbine massacre. Turns out she was an incredible young woman who was going to change the world, I guess through her diaries. Seems that Jesus folks have a hard time in COLORADO. Persecution complex is turned waaaaay up on this one.
- ORDINARY WORLD – October 14. Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day plays a slacker husband who dreams of leaving his job at the hardware store and fronting a punk band. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus. I mean, fuck. God dammit. FUUUUUUUUCK. GOD DAMMIT. FUUUUUUUUCK.
So yeah, October ain’t pretty. Don’t worry, November will totally make up for it. TOTALLY.