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New Movies for January 22/ by /

22 Jan

January’s suckage continues unabated! Revel in the mediocrity and malaise of the January dumpage!

THE 5TH WAVE – The lovely and talented Chloe Grace-Moretz toplines this new YA franchise dealing with the end of the world via alien invasion. With the ugly and talentless Akiva Fucking Goldsman on screenplay duty, the whole thing degenerates into pap, though there are some decent visuals for its low budget. It’s supposed to be a trilogy, but I’ve got a feeling that won’t happen.

THE BOY – Ah, the unreviewed horror film. Could it be so good that they wouldn’t screen it for critics in advance, lest its brilliance be tainted by opinion? Or is it just another forgettable horror release? Worst case, it’s Lauren Cohen (Maggie from THE WALKING DEAD), and she hasn’t starred in a movie before, so good for her.

DIRTY GRANDPA – Robert DeNiro has lowered the bar once again, proving he doesn’t care what he’s in as long as the check clears. Sure, you could say he’s having fun being a dirty old man, but it’s still a bad movie. Sadly, the original script was reportedly fantastic, guess they had to homogenize it while still keeping it “edgy” with its accidental crack-smoking and whatnot.

jan22

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