Ever since 300 debuted to big numbers back in 2006, March has gotten Summer-level respect from the big boys, and we’ve got some monster releases to prove it. Let’s dig in!
- KONG: SKULL ISLAND – March 10, RealD3D, IMAX 3D. Reviews are out, and they’re super positive! This builds on the Kaijuverse that started with GODZILLA, bringing more massive mayhem starring the granddaddy of them all. If you’ve seen the trailers, you know it’s not just Kong stomping around Skull Island, there’s a whole host of colossal terrors, and it’s up to Loki and Captain Marvel to save us! Throw in Sam Jackson, John Goodman, and John C. Reilly and you’ve got one hell of a cast. A must see in IMAX3D!
- GHOST IN THE SHELL – March 31, RealD3D, IMAX 3D. I’m a sucker for sci-fi, and this could be something special. As all nerds know, it’s based on the legendary anime, and despite claims of whitewashing, the creator himself has signed off on Scarlett Johansson playing Major. So we’re left with a stunning tour de force in future Tokyo with cutting edge visuals. Hopefully they didn’t mess with the core story too much.
- T2 TRAINSPOTTING – March 17. Irvine Welch’s own sequel PORNO came out years ago, and somehow Danny Boyle has got the band back together for more mature mayhem. Thankfully, it’s a worthy endeavour and has already been a big hit back in Britain, so sit back and enjoy more creepy robot babies (nah not really)
- THE BELKO EXPERIMENT – March 17. James Gunn wrote this bit of madness. Corporate employees are forced to fight for their survival BATTLE ROYALE style. Get ready to let your imagination run wild. How would you deal with it? Me, I’d be the one trying to get everyone to work together only to get shot from behind in the middle of a rousing speech. Absolutely worth seeing with a crowd.
- LOGAN – March 3, IMAX. Yeah, it’s low. Sure, the reviews are super positive, but dammit, this series is just pissing me off. Normally I’d be all over this but with all the reboots and side stories, it’s hard to just look at this as its own thing. Regardless, it’s Wolverine with a Hard “R”, “X-MEN directed by Sam Peckinpah”. Also, the IMAX version is 2D!
- LIFE – March 24. For a movie starring Ryan Reynolds and Jake Gyllenhaal, this one’s surprisingly under hyped, though they did spring for a Super Bowl ad. An international team discovers alien life, but it might not be as benign as it seems. Director Daniel Espinosa’s output has been pretty mediocre with SAFE HOUSE and CHILD 44, though the script is from the duo that brought us ZOMBIELAND and DEADPOOL. Here’s hoping the reviews are strong!
- BEAUTY AND THE BEAST – March 10, RealD3D, IMAX3D. The latest Disney live-action remake should be a monster. Looks like a shot-for-shot remake of the animated classic, with a killer cast.
- BEFORE I FALL – March 3. GROUNDHOG DAY, reimagined as a CW thriller. The most interesting thing is the star Zoe Deutch, who happens to be Lea Thompson’s daughter!
- CHIPS – March 24. Yet another comedy reboot of a beloved cheesy series. I love Michael Pena and Dax Shepard, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this one, especially with the bulk of the first trailer dedicated to gay panic jokes. Shepard wrote and directed the film, for better or for worse. I hope I’m wrong about it.
- THE ZOOKEEPER’S WIFE – March 31. Jessica Chastain is the titular character, who hides Jewish children in Poland during the war. It’s hard not to look at a film like this as Oscar bait, but you just don’t release Oscar bait in March. No idea what they’re thinking, but it looks, well, intense? Serious? About what you’d expect?
- BOSS BABY – March 31. Alec Baldwin voices a baby who’s, um, the boss. No idea what the hell is going on story wise, but a young boy determines that his new baby brother isn’t as innocent as his parents believe. Looks cute, but not exceptional by any means.
- POWER RANGERS – March 24. Hey look, a gritty reboot of a kid’s series! I guess they didn’t catch Joseph Kahn’s awesome tongue-in-cheek version with James Van Der Beek and Katie Sackhoff. It still might be decent, but I imagine it’ll be mostly training montages with five minutes of Megazord action at the end.
- THE SHACK – March 3. Sam Worthington plays a dad whose young daughter is abducted and found dead in, well, a shack. He doesn’t deal with it very well, but eventually finds solace thanks to, um, God. Hold on, let me check. Yeah, God, represented as the actual, literal, Trinity. Who show him that life is worth living since he still has FOUR OTHER KIDS AND A WIFE. Also, they magically solve his daughter’s murder. Because if you believe in God, justice will be served! Look, I know I’m hard on these evangelical films, but if they were good movies, I’d support them. They can’t just look and feel like a good movie.
So basically, you should be in a movie theatre pretty much every week this month. April, on the other hand…