June! The onslaught of summer madness continues! Have we reached a peak in general audience participation? Is it all coming to an end? Will megafilms finally collapse under their own weight? Or will we continue to support these shambling monstrosities? Or am I getting too heavy? Let’s just look at this month’s films instead.
- POPSTAR: NEVER STOP NEVER STOPPING – June 3. In a time of $200mil blockbusters, my most anticipated film is a comedy from The Lonely Island. I’m an acolyte, hopefully you are too, and in a perfect world this would make these guys rich beyond their wildest dreams. But it won’t. It still looks funny as hell. It’s not just a rip on Bieber, it’s much broader than that, but it’s also being called a true heir to THIS IS SPINAL TAP, so get on the bandwagon right now!
- WARCRAFT – June 10, RealD 3D, IMAX3D. Duncan Jones is an exciting filmmaker, and I’m very curious to see how this turned out. Early reviews have been mixed, with the Europeans enjoying it while the Americans have been unimpressed. You definitely don’t have to have played the game to enjoy the film, though it will be fun to see the game’s locations brought to life, it should be a fun experience regardless. Obviously it should be seen on the biggest screen available.
- INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE – June 24, RealD3D, IMAX3D. They’re back! And they’re bigger than the human mind can truly comprehend! It really does look like they’re truly unstoppable this time, I hear the aliens installed McAfee so they’re good to go! The scale of destruction is off the charts, so of COURSE you need to see it in IMAX. My only concern is that this was supposed to be part one of two, but recent interviews suggest this is a one shot, which would be preferable. I’ll let you know when I find out.
- FINDING DORY – June 17, RealD3D. She’s back, and she remembers her family! It literally looks like more of the same, but is that so bad? Pixar’s shine is definitely tarnished, hopefully this will be a worthy followup.
- FREE STATE OF JONES – June 24. Matthew McConaughey leads a town against a bunch of confederate assholes during the Civil War. Gary Ross (SEABISCUIT, PLEASANTVILLE) is a solid director and Matthew’s still flying high, so this could be a quality film amidst the summer popcorn munchers.
- CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE – June 17. The Rock is big, and Kevin Hart is small. Comedy! It does actually look pretty funny though.
- THE CONJURING 2 – June 10. The first venture was successful, and this is another case with the same characters. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are great actors, so they’ll sell the story better than a bunch of unknowns.
- TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS – June 3, RealD3D, IMAX3D. They’re back! And they’re still oddly proportioned! The nostalgia masturbation hits the next level with the return of Rocksteady, Bebop, Baxter Stockman (played by Tyler Freakin’ Perry) and Krang! Reviews are soft but on a sliding scale they’re pretty positive.
- NOW YOU SEE ME 2 – June 10, RealD3D. How in the HELL is this not called NOW YOU DON’T? Sure, it’s a great cast but who wants to see a bunch of CG’d magic tricks? It’s also funny that with the glowing exception of Lizzy Caplan the entire cast is male. Meh, I say, meh!
- ME BEFORE YOU – June 3. A young woman helps a quadriplegic feel alive again. This one’s getting flack for suggesting quads can’t live full lives, but audiences are looking for a quality weeper. What’s funny is that Emilia Clarke’s character looks like she has an IQ of 47, which would make this film much more interesting.
And that’s June! July looks pretty rough, but we’ll break that down in about four weeks.