January! The dumping ground is open! The awards bait bobs at
the top while expensive flops get abandoned! Good times all around. It’s a
light month, even including last week’s single release there are only 8 this
month, so let’s get crackin’!
- THE KID WHO WOULD BE KING – Jan. 25. Joe Cornish’s
incredible ATTACK THE BLOCK should have heralded a great new filmmaker, instead
the poor bastard has been trapped in development hell for nearly a decade, but
he’s finally got a film out! This is aimed at a younger audience, but it still
looks like a hoot, a retelling of Arthurian myth with a bunch of tweens, led by
the son of Andy Serkis.
- GLASS – Jan. 18, IMAX. The reveal that SPLIT was
actually a sequel to UNBREAKABLE shattered my tiny little brain, and the
announcement that GLASS would complete a trilogy excited me to no end. Sadly,
the early reviews are pretty damn negative, and I’ll admit the first trailer
left me feeling worried. But maybe all the people I follow online are just
trying to get me to lower my expectations and it’s really good, right? Right?
- SERENITY – Jan. 25. It’s a re-release of the
movie version of FIREFLY! Nope, sorry, it’s a thriller with Matthew McConaughey
and Anne Hathaway from Steven Knight, the writer of EASTERN PROMISES and PEAKY
BLINDERS. It actually looks pretty damn good, very creepy vibe in a Hitchcock
- ON THE BASIS OF SEX – Jan. 11. It’s a biopic
about Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg starring Felicity Jones.
Reviews are pretty soft, and there’s no awards buzz, so I guess this one’s
sliding between the cracks.
- ESCAPE ROOM – Jan. 4. There’s usually a horror
film in the mix for January and this year’s entrant is a take on the escape
room subgenre, and it’s said to be better than the release date would suggest.
If you’re looking to scratch that horror itch, this’ll do it.
- REPLICAS – Jan. 11. It’s amazing how many inane sci-fi
films get made just because they convince a bankable star to appear. This time
it’s Keanu Reeves, playing along in a tale of a man fighting death itself via
cloning. You’ll be shocked to hear that the reviews are terrible. Netflix ahoy!
- THE UPSIDE – Jan. 11. Here’s one from the
Hollywood-badly-remakes-a-beloved-foreign-film category. THE INTOUCHABLES was a
treacly but successful comedy-weeper about a rich quadriplegic white dude and
the black guy who becomes his caregiver, and they teach each other a lot about
life. The English version casts Bryan Cranston and Kevin Hart, so hey, comedy
gold, right? Evidently not.
- A DOG’S WAY HOME – Jan. 11. Watch a dog grow up
and run away and have adventures and eventually be reunited with the owner,
with an adorable voice over showing how innocent and loving dogs really are.
The trailer features a cougar from the uncanny valley and the end of the movie.
Like, the actual final scene of the dog reuniting with the owner, just short of
the hug. Because we’ve proven that people won’t see a dog movie if there’s a
chance the dog dies. God forbid there are stakes that would get the audience
So yeah, January is pretty much par for the course. For the
love of god, go see SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE while it’s still on the
big screen. Also, AQUAMAN and even BUMBLEBEE are both super entertaining films
that need to be seen in theatres. Not joking.